Crazy little thing call love.

A lot of people might think "dude, that girl is crazy!! " , but if you look around there are thousands of girls like me, who have this weird, crazy, mixed feelings. 

Some say and express it and some just hide it under their sleeves. People are not so outspoken, that I have started believing, I am only crazy one around.

I have a lot of friends, who have been in relationships for like 100 years. They have been with their partners for like ages and are still lovey Dovey. I use to think, probably these people are just trying to show off. Little did I know, that these stupid people are actually in love. Who else can understand this term better than me! 

Trust me, stupid is not the word!! I should probably start inventing a new word for myself!! A word that can describe me! 

I am not a bitch nor am I a slut of any kind. They are humans too and that's their job. I don't think anyone should underestimate them. They are into this profession either by choice or by circumstances. Guess, I am drifting apart again like I always do.

Well, coming back to what I was saying, I am not a bitch or a slut. I am just a normal person, who has loved, loved like crazy. Yes, again I am going to say this; there are people out there who's loved more than me and have had the best and worst experiences no one could ever imagine.

At times, I ask myself, Is it perfectly alright to be happy with one person and still miss someone else? Is is ok, to be dating someone, still at times catch up with that special someone? Is is ok, to break up with someone, just to be with that special someone. Until you realise that, it's not even worth it!! Could I be any more stupid?? 

They say that, once in a lifetime, there will come a guy, who will sweep you away with his charm and you will go head over heels and that's it! End of the story!! 

I have dated other guys too, and this person messed me up. It was a choice I know, but I was naive and stupid! Even though he hurt me like a trillion of times, I always got carried away the moment he said hi...well, The hi always ended up with my heart crushed like KFC's tastiest crusher. Well, that's pretty stupid but it was beautifully crafted stupid types!! 

I messed up too, but I thought, he might want to clean the mess. That's what lovers do right? I kept messing and losing myself until I got tired and waved ta ta bye bye for good. 

People might think that our love was one sided, but trust me when I say this, there was something. I am not saying this to ease my heart but I firmly remember him asking me, why do I love him so much? And my reply was, I don't know... I was scared, scared of losing him but he kept assuring me, that we have a long way to go and I shouldn't be afraid.  

He was not just a guy I was fooling around with, my feelings were real whether or not his were, I will never know. But know that mine were - totally.   It was really mean of him to put me in a grey situation all the time because I didn't know exactly, who or what I was in his life? 

People say moving on is easy. No.... Never.. It's all crap! Moving on from what we had is like, cutting someone with a blunt knife. This is going to take a lifetime, but don't get me wrong. I have moved on like literally moved on. There are times when I suddenly miss him but that's how life is right. It is indeed a long, messed up one-way road everyone has to travel someday or the other. 

It's always hard to imagine living without the person you thought you loved the most.

 At times, I look forward to the day when we cross our paths. We might talk or even act like strangers. I don't  know. But whatever and however the situation is, we will no longer be the same people.  Loving him was rather a lesson than a mistake because he taught me that I am capable of giving all my heart to someone else- and I will always be thankful for that.